Collecting RSVPs and creating a seating chart can be one of the most stressful, time-consuming parts of planning your wedding. Some couples wonder, “should we even bother? Why not let guests pick their own seats?” Read on — there are actually several reasons why a seating chart is well worth the time and effort.
When you’ve dozens of details to nail down in the final weeks leading up to your wedding, it might seem really tempting to throw your hands in the air and take the laissez faire (Bet you never thought you’d see that term again since high school!) approach to guest seating. But many couples agree it’s best to take the time and assign seats for your guests.
This post was inspired by a recent ask on Reddit’s r/weddingplanning forum. Someone in the midst of planning their wedding stated they were considering two options:
Although the poster stated they’d been to 3 other weddings without any seating chart “and it was fine,” the overall consensus from Redditors was that you absolutely should have a seating chart. Below, several solid reasons they offered, along with my own take from the DJ perspective.
Many of the most-upvoted responses indicated that a seating chart makes the wedding much more enjoyable for guests. One user suggested not having a seating chart “can create a real ‘middle school lunch room vibe’ and people will camp out to save seats, end up not being able to sit with their partners, pull chairs around, etc.”
You certainly don’t want to see your ballroom looking like a disorganized mess when people start pulling chairs from one table to the next, all to “squeeze in one or two more people.” No couple or family wants to be split across multiple tables just because they happened to be the last ones in the room and the only seats left were single seats at different tables.
User “fireflyeyes” suggested, “I got stressed just thinking about 170 wandering around, trying to find seating or fighting over who gets to sit at the table with all the fun cousins and who has to sit with great aunt Mildred who smells funny.”
Another practical reason: user “spookiecake” suggested that leaving guests to choose their own seats can be really time-consuming, as guests waffle over where they want to sit, trying to figure out who else they can sit with, and so forth. This can be especially true at venues where guests can’t see the tables until staff open the doors and everyone’s pouring into the room at the same time.
DJ perspective: excellent response — the longer it takes everyone to sit, the longer it takes for everything else to happen. And every delay ultimately means less dance floor time. Every 3½ minutes that guests take to decide where they’re sitting equals one less dance floor song.
When guests are told where to sit, they’ll sit much faster, and we can keep things on-schedule.
User “Whisoserious1293” shares an unfortunate experience that could have been avoided:
I went to 6 weddings this past year and one wedding didn’t have a seating chart. We didn’t know anyone besides the bride & groom. There were more seats than people and we actually ended up sitting at a table alone. We chose our seats before everyone else sat down and then it was awkward to relocate. If we had seating charts, we would’ve likely sat with people we didn’t know but could actually socialize a bit more.
User “ostentia” had a similar experience:
I’ve been to several weddings without [a seating chart] and it was stressful finding a seat for myself and my husband. I would waaaay rather be assigned a table full of strangers than have to find my own table full of strangers! “Hi, is this seat taken?” brings back flashbacks to the first day of school for me, lol!
User “idrawfloorplan” pointed out that, “we had to have [a seating chart] because it also helped our venue locate people with dietary restrictions.”
When the wait staff don’t know where the “special meals” need to be served, it can delay the meal service — either for that guest alone, for their entire table, or for the entire room.
With a seating chart, you can tell the venue in advance that your vegan meals are going to tables 3, 7 and 9, and the low-sodium meal for grandma needs to go to table 4.
User “IllustriousPassion11” says seating charts can also benefit your wedding party:
A friends wedding didn’t have assigned seating and when the wedding party finally arrived after pictures we didn’t have anywhere to sit and the food was almost gone. It was awkward and uncomfortable.
DJ perspective: This is a great point if you’re doing a sweetheart table instead of a head table. Your wedding party members will need to be guaranteed seats with their significant others — especially if you have any “full couples” in your wedding party, since they’ll both be involved with photos and unable to save themselves seats anywhere.
User “Loose_Cover_1246” said the lack of a seating chart caused some problems in the family tree:
My aunt and uncle, who already a tense relationship with their siblings, felt snubbed because no one saved them a seat. They actually left the wedding early and gave their siblings the silent treatment for months. If there are any underlying tensions among your relatives, a lack of a seating chart could definitely spark drama.
DJ perspective: I’ll add that some families have certain people that “always” sit together — for example, elderly relatives who no longer drive themselves are likely coming to your wedding with another relative who serves as their travel companion. You’ll want to make sure they can sit together.
And there are some families where it’s best to make sure certain people have plenty of distance between each other. A well-planned seating chart can help maintain the peace.
Here was my response to the thread:
From the wedding DJ perspective: do a seating chart. This lets you seat your younger (and more likely to party) guests closer to the dance floor and seat the older guests (more likely to spend most of the night talking at their seats) as far away from the DJ speakers as possible.
There’s few things more annoying than having Aunt Doris come over every 5 minutes to complain about how loud the music is and how they can’t have a conversation, because she and the other seniors were seated right next to the speakers. Especially at venues that thoughtlessly force the DJ to be far from the dance floor and make us “shoot over” several tables so the dancers can hear the music.
Or maybe for other concerns, like seating older folks closer to the buffet line or the restrooms so they don’t have to walk as far, especially if they have mobility issues. You don’t want to force grandma or grandpa to be taking their walker across the busy dance floor every 15 minutes because it’s the shortest path from table to toilet every time they need to go.
OP’s response: “I never thought about putting younger people closer to the DJ/dance floor. I love that idea!“
As the thread grew and OP became convinced that a seating chart was the way to go, OP started to ask for advice on how to decide which “strangers” should be seated with each other.
The first several tables will be easy to assign because you’ve almost certainly got a few groups that definitely have some common ground — your immediate relatives will have a table. Your future spouse’s immediate family will have their own table. Or maybe, if the immediate families are small, they’ll be together at one big table.
It’s usually expected that groups of cousins, aunts and uncles will be seated together. If you have friends from high school or college, you might try to group them all together.
But you’ll inevitably reach a point where the math just doesn’t work out anymore and you’ll have some guests who, at first glance, may not have much in common. What then?
Most Redditors suggested grouping people by age. People from the same generation will be more likely to have similar interests, so they’ll have something to talk about.
Some responses said, don’t sweat it too much… after all, it’s just a wedding reception dinner, not a year-long duty assignment on a submarine.
Every guest at your wedding has at least one thing in common: you! They can make small talk for the hour or so they’re seated for dinner. If they hit it off, great! If they don’t, that’s OK too — once dinner is over, they’re free to make their way to the dance floor, the bar, other tables, or to any of the other gathering places (outdoor decks, etc.) available at your venue.
It’s not just about who’s sitting at each table, but where those tables will be located. Here are a few quick pointers:
Many of the major “wedding websites” (like TheKnot, Zola, etc.) will allow you to import your guest list, accept RSVPs online, and then build a seating chart based on which guests sent a “yes.” This can really make it easy to plan things out, since you just need to drag and drop names onto tables. Way easier than setting up a corkboard with tons of little cards and pushpins!
Once all the assignments are done, you can export the names and table numbers to Excel, which makes it easy to create name cards with table numbers or to create a seating chart sign to be posted by the entrance to your ballroom.
